You are here

Variety is the spice of... WTF POTATOES AGAIN!? #@!&#$!

There once was a time in your life when you had options. You got to pick what clothes you wanted to wear, what time you went to bed, who you hung out with, who you brought home, which side of the bed you slept on, etc.,. Then you met someone special and you gave up some of those options for new options. New is good, options are good.

The new relationship kicks off and you have a wealth of possibilities to explore. You find out what one another like and dislike. You get introduced to new things, food, music, movies, books, sexual positions, etc.,. Then slowly over time you're options begin to decrease. Gone are the days of choosing your own clothes, they have been replaced with "are you going to wear THAT?" Gone are the choices in friends, replaced with "I don't like him/her!" Gone are the days of picking which side of the bed you slept on, replaced with "I really don't like being near the window, it creeps me out." And gone are those days when you had a wealth of possibilities and learning opportunities.

Now you have the doldrums menu. "Today on the menu we have your choice of potatoes or potatoes." And you say to yourself "What happened to the meat?" But you soldier on sure that tomorrow's menu will see the return of meat! The next day the menu is "potatoes" and so on and so forth and just about the time you think you can't stand potatoes any more the menu changes "Today on the menu we have potatoes with a small side of meat."

Then maybe the menu is good for a little while before going back to the same old potatoes. But while you're struggling trying to figure out how to get more meat and less potatoes you're over looking the fact that there's a bounty of other choices that should be on the menu but aren't.

Of course this horrible analogy is about sex, DUH! We spend so much time distracted, trying to figure out how to get sex and avoid the grey haven of a platonic relationship, that we forget all the other things that the relationship used to be and all of the other choices that we just gave up.

Remember when you could sit and make out for what felt like hours and never have a single piece of clothing come off? Remember when groping was pleasurable and not "dirty", or when writing risqué letters was exciting? Remember when you could sneak off to the bathroom for a 2 minute romp and then get back to the party?

Now you hear statements like "I don't have time for all that" or "you've got to be kidding me" or "I'm just not in the mood" or "I'm gassy". Nice!

So all the options go out the window and your stuck with potatoes and the occasional, sometimes surprise piece of meat. However flavorful that meat is, it's a distraction from the real problem. That very real problem is variety. Variety helps stave off the doldrums. Makes the lack of meat palatable because there are other flavorful and satisfying options. You know that you have choices. If you were faced with "I'm really tired, could we kiss a little and then curl up while I go to sleep" or "too tired. Goodnight!" which would you choose to hear? If there was a full menu of options then you can mix things up.

I miss the days of having options. The meat is sweet and the potatoes at least have some flavor, but they're not options. They're prison food and I feel like any day could be my last meal.