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The Impact of Negativity

Every day I see the impact of my negativity. At work, at home, my wife, my girlfriend, my kids, my friends, just with me by myself. I keep saying that I'm going to do something to fix that, but the next day comes and I continue down the same path. It's hard to change a habit that you've have for most of your life, certainly all of your adult life. It's not like smoking or drinking or some dietary change. You can't just put down your brain or take some medication that makes you nauseous every time you have a negative thought.

There's this constant stream of self-talk in my head and it's all negative stuff about how I'm doing something wrong or someone else is doing something wrong or how I'm not going to succeed or something is going to go poorly before it's even started. And of course things never turn out the way I imagine and that's both good and bad. The things that I worry most over tend to not be as bad as the chaos I create for myself in anticipating their failure.

So I fuss and I fret for nothing. But not even for nothing, to my own detriment. I fuss over a document for hours or days because I want to get it perfect, only for someone to look at it for 5 minutes and discard it. Meanwhile I could have used that time to do a million other things that needed to be done, being more productive at work or spending time relaxing or spending quality time with those I love.

It just doesn't make sense to go on like this. I can't live under this weight all the time and I know it's having an effect on my health and the happiness of my relationships. I fear that some of that damage is irreperable, but that could be the self-talk again. So instead of worry about that I'm going to start looking at ways to cut down the negativity of the self-talk with some cognitive behavioral therapy, catching when I have these negative thoughts and fixing that behavior.

I'm going to stop filtering, personalizing, catastrophizing, and polarizing my life. I have a lot going good for me. More than what's going bad. And it would be even less if I worked for myself. So that's what I'm going to start doing, I'm going to start making more of an effort to help myself and be good to me and in turn that will benefit those around me. I have to love me, I am a good person after all or so say the people I love (me maybe that's why I love them so!)