Being Honest

We live in a society full of people saying one thing and doing another. Politicians who say they are pro-life but allow people to die on the streets, or who are fiscally conservative except when it comes to the earmarks that apply to their state. Government officials who say they want a more efficient government but then add more layers and increase complexity and regulation. All the way down to people on Facebook copying and pasting posts because someone implores them that if they care they'll re-post too.

You know it doesn't make me feel cared for when I realize that the seemingly heartfelt post you just made turns out to be something you copy and pasted from someone else, who copy and pasted it from someone else, and so on and so forth, and the most effort you could show toward caring for me was Ctrl-A, Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V (or a few mouse clicks). But that goes right along with people who say they love someone or say they care but won't put the slightest effort in beyond lip-service.

Joe's been a prime example of that over this last year. Professing his feelings of remorse and his caring, while simultaneously being a constant harasser. Saying he doesn't want anything, but being relentless in his pursuit of getting what he wants. Talking about what a special person Kelly is while attempting to provoke her with insults and inferences. Saying that he wants nothing but her happiness and for her to be OK while at the same time detracting from her happiness and well-being by not just leaving her alone.

It's annoying and frustrating. Every week a new message pleading his case. Subtle insults about her humanity or her level of caring and sympathy. Enticements that if she'll just give him a "K" he'll go away. An oh so tempting carrot. But a lie none the less. Because a "K" would simply be a door opening, in his mind. Suddenly the "I'm not trying to get anything started between us" turns into a "would always be here for you."

That's the rub really. This duality of purpose that he presents; Let's close this, but to close it we have to open it back up. That whole concept that he supposedly abandoned her so that she was better off and yet won't leave her alone so she can actually BE better off. And in similar fashion asking for a word from her to verify her status when he's well aware of her status by the fact that he's constantly futzing with her online accounts, stalking her via Facebook, digging for her online, and quite possibly even following her around.

The lies just keep coming though, week after week. Month after month. I wonder when it will end. I worry more so about how it will end. Will it be an angry confrontation between her and him. Will he do something stupid and show up to see her somewhere against her will? Will he do something even more stupid and show up to confront me? Or will he do something worse than all of that and show up while Kelly is out with her niece and/or family. NONE of those would end well for him I'm afraid.

Or will he keep his distance and just continue to pester with the same old tired message? And how long will Kelly's patience remain intact... another month? Another year? Two? She's a strong and resolute person for sure. Part of it is just the wall she's built up to shut him out. But how long will he chip at that wall with his little spoonful of pleadings before it cracks and the flood of whatever is behind it drowns him? He thinks he's being tortured now... just wait.

I guess that's the downside of living in direct opposition to your stated purpose. If you are a politician and trying to drive toward smaller government while increasing regulation you'll always be fighting against yourself. If your someone who's feeling lonely and think you'll make a connection by copying someone else's status, you'll probably just alienate more people than you entice. And if you are someone who says they are looking for closure while constantly seeking an opening... well you'll never get what you really want.

I wanted to say that this will be the last time I write about Joe... but that would be a lie. I'm sure he will continue his antics and I will continue to be concerned for the woman I love. All I can do is stand by her, wait things out, let her make the choices that are right for her, and do my best to not put any pressure on her at all. It's hard, for sure, but necessary. I love her and I don't want at any point for her to begin to draw comparisons between he and I. So I leave all my feelings in my blog posts and she can choose to read them or not, but I won't tell her how to live her life or what to do. I've made that mistake before, I won't do it again.