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Meditation on apologies

I apologize, because what I did, I did only to hurt you.

I wasn't attempting to heal the hurt I feel you caused me.
I wasn't trying to resolve the issues that I perceived.
I wasn't thinking about getting to a better place.
I wasn't worried about creating lasting peace.
I wasn't focused on reducing any suffering.
I wasn't making an effort to be a friend.
I wasn't intending to enlighten you.
I wasn't walking a happy path.

I was wrapped up in my own pain.

I thought by hurting you I would feel empowered and in control.
I hoped that if I hurt you my own pain would be lessened.
I hurt you and in doing that I continue to hurt myself.

I did not find any empowerment.
I did not gain more control.
I am not less pained.
I continue to hurt.

I do not wish more harm upon you, as it is also harm to myself.
I want to move forward with a glad heart and not a sad one.
I ask for you to forgive me of the hurt I have caused you.