Run!

Yesterday was a good day. Today was a good day. Tomorrow is going to be shit (literally). Tomorrow is my cleansing day; The day before I go in for a colonoscopy... woohoo :( So I'll be at home with all kinds of disgusting things to drink and nothing substantial to eat and it will stink. But I will get to remember that the past two days have been good. I'll remember that things are getting better. I will remember that I'm on the road to a better, happier me.

I feel like I'm running, running, running, all the time. Running to get a kid something. Running to get dinner. Running an errand for Kat. Running to lunch. Running to relax. HA! That last part is a lie! I don't relax! EVER! Last time I tried to relax was awesome but resulted in utter chaos after the relaxation part was done. No more relaxation for me, I think it's detrimental to my health.

I'm not very coherent today. I chalk it up to the lack of sleep and the running and the stupid diet that has me second guessing everything I eat. Kelly asked me why I looked so pale today and I thought up a million reasons. I think it's just because I'm white and nerdy, but lack of sleep is certainly up on my list.

I keep waking up in the middle of the night. Checking my phone, over and over. I worry about Kat being away from home and if she's doing okay. I worry that Kelly will call because of problems with that guy and I'll still be powerless to help her. I worry about Amanda so far away and going through her pregnancy sick and stressed and pressed by everything that's going on. So I wake and I check if a message has come through or a Facebook post or an e-mail or a phone call. But it's quiet... nothing is there but my own fears.

Hopefully things will smooth out. Kat will be home tomorrow and is in good health. Kelly was bright and happy today when I saw her despite a self-inflicted black eye (I'll get some scorn for mentioning that I'm sure), and AJ's parents are settling in near her giving her a little help here and there. I'm trying to find the positives as much as I can. Remove the worry and replace it with hope. It's a challenge in my life. But I'm trying. I'm reminded that it's up to me to choose to be happy. So I'm choosing to be happy. I was given the chance to see my friend today and I took it and I'm happy that I got to see her. I'm thankful that my wife was busy and gave me the chance to go out and see her. It was a bright spot in my day. I hope to build on that and have a much calmer, less runnier rest of the month ;)