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Superficial

So you think you know him/her, but do you really. I don't think that anyone really knows anyone else. We're all so busy constructing a mask for others to see that we disallow people from seeing who we really are. At the same time we're so busy hurling questions at other people's facades that we fail to crack the veneer and look any deeper than the surface.

How many times have you seen the nice little friend quizzes, "what's your favorite movie", "where was your first time", "do you like horror or comedies"; It rarely leads to any more meaningful conversation. Too often when it does start to get deep one or the other person will shut things down instead of getting over the discomfort of being laid bare.

Trusting people with the real you is hard maybe even impossible. Even a husband and wife going on 20 years fail to go beyond the superficial familiarities. Sure they've shared child birth and maybe even infidelities, money issues, counseling, but even then there are walls that hide motivations, things left unsaid and things left unasked.

Think about this for a moment:

Do you know your significant other's favorite book/movie?
Why is it there favorite?
What's their favorite part?
How does the movie/book apply to their life?
If they were the character in that book what would they have done?
What do they dislike about the book/movie? Why?

Most people could name 20 or thirty "favorites" that their spouse has, food, movies, music, etc.,. But as you start to dig into the why's it starts to get a little less clear. What's the significance of the fact that he'll watch "Pure Country" every time it comes on but never watches the DVD he owns. What does "Thelma and Louise" inspire in her.

It's important to get to know people beyond vague generalizations. It's okay to let people in and it's okay to let the real you out. It might be a little scary at first but it will all work out.