Overflow

Friend that I love, I wish but for one day to spend with you, to show you my love in earnest expression. To let the love overflowing my wife's cup to overflow yours as well. To give what she has no need of to you and to give so happily, not as the cast off but as the first, prized gift to you. Oh, to hold the hand that seems to fit mine so perfectly and to kiss the lips that so often call to mine, and to declare to the world that you are mine, just for a moment. I could live a lifetime in that moment.

Every day I long to get just a glimpse of you. I contininually conspire to get that moment. I love even a hint of your smile, that shy giggle and blush when I tease you about us. I love your pigtails and the curls at the nape of your neck and how your hair goes frizzy with the rain. But more than any of those things I love the way we fit, the way that your hand always seems to touch me right at the spot that needed to be touched in that moment. The way that you are always ready to listen when I'm ready to talk and ready to talk when I'm ready to listen. I love that I am in your head and you are in mine each and every day and that each day that feeling of connection grows stronger and more vibrant.

But with it a sadness grows too. For each happiness, a sadness is created. That sadness is the realization of a step that you'll never take, a life you won't begin living. There's risk there and worry and regardless of how bad things get at home, home is familiar, safe, tangeable. Life with us is scary, uncertain, different. Regardless of how much you love me, of how much you love us, we are off limits. You fear that the woman you love will hate you for your feelings for me. You fear that I'll be spread too thin and end up resenting you. But those are excuses, what I think you really fear most is happiness. You fear what you've known only in rare moments. You fear gaining it and feeling it and being awash in it and then it suddenly being revoked because you are unworthy.

You are not unworthy. You are not being punished. If you could only take a little step, just a step at a time, forward. If only you could reach that peak, where you could see over the horizon and know that there are no dragons here. If you could hear with your ears and your heart the message we are sending, you would know that you are welcome here to share in happiness for all the days of your life. We will love you, whether you're blind and def, whether you're a nurse or a store clerk, young or old. We will love you forever.

Until that day, when the veil lifts and you are willing to see that horizon, I will be here. I will be waiting, silently cheering you on. I will be here loving your pigtails, longing to caress your alabaster skin, to kiss your furrowed brow, and eager to hear you giggle at my jokes. Until that day I still have this great friendship. A friendship like no other. I still have the knowledge that you love me, that you love her, and that we love you in return like no other person we have ever known or will ever know.

I love you, patiently, my muse.

Your Casanova